RCW:: Closure For The Dragonless

Posted on Fri Oct 18th, 2024 @ 8:10pm by Apprentice Nerlyn & Bronze Rider K'ron & Green Rider Imella

Mission: 3531 AL
Location: River Cove Weyr
Timeline: M2 D2

Trigger warning:: Mental health

Nerlyn took a deep breath as she pushed the door to the weyr open. It had been over a turn since she had been inside the weyr that she had first shared with K’ron when they had first become weyrmates. She knew the north riders would arrive soon and it would fill up again so it would be her final chance to get some closure on something she had been thinking about more and more. The door opened with a creak and she stepped inside the space, it was so much smaller than the weyr they had now but it felt like coming home for a moment.

She stepped inside and saw that everything was still where she had left it just a little dustier, she slowly ran her hand over the hooks by the door, the random indents that Koda claimed as his often and had once held Rean’s pictures or random charts for wings layouts that her and K’ron used to go over for different wings. It looked so bare but still like the weyr she had acquired all those turns ago and had just stepped out a moment ago. It was painful but she needed closure as she stepped out to where once upon a time a beautiful green had sunned herself and teased her bronze mate before it had all gone wrong and left her for a long time dark and empty inside.

She closed her eyes as she remembered a morning nearly 2 turns ago when she had almost lost everything thanks to her wandering mind.

The former green rider could not sleep, something had woken her up so instead slowly looked over mate. She smiled at his soft snores before she slowly got out of bed. Slowly crept out of the room and across the living area to the dragon weyr. She crept past the sleeping bronze dragon onto the ledge and looked out over the Weyr. Barely anyone was awake it felt as she could not see any figures moving around below not even the early morning drudges, any of the healers or Riders on duty. K'ron did not move as Nerlyn got up. Koda on the other hand had heard her and followed her onto the ledge. The brown cheeped softly at her.

"Shhh... Go on go back to sleep." Nerlyn said softly watching the world from on high. The flit shook his head. He wasn't leaving Nerlyn. Despite only being a firelizard he was very loyal. And he protected Nerlyn. "I am fine." She assured softly turning to look at the flit for a second before she stepped close to the edge. Koda flapped his wings and sent out an awful screech when he saw where she was. Tyreth woke with a start and a grumble, causing K'ron to stumble out of the bedroom in confusion.

"What is going on?" He asked, rubbing his eyes.

"Koda!" Nerlyn said jumping herself. Koda seemed to glare at her as he sent her images of backing away from the ledge. K'ron walked up to them.

"What got into him?" The Bronze Rider asked. Nerlyn looked at the flit and shook her head, she was happy where she was.

"No idea." She lied. K'ron frowned. It wasn't like Koda to act like that. Koda seemed to glare at Nerlyn like he knew she was lying. "

“Why are you out here? " He asked. Nerlyn turned back to look down again.

"I was watching the sun." She half lied ignoring the flit and her mate's confusion.

"Oh. Well, it is pretty out here." Koda nipped at Nerlyn's ear. "Koda!" K'ron scolded. Nerlyn yelped taking a step closer to the edge as she battered the flit away with a wince. Koda didn't seem sorry. He shook his head and flew over to Tyreth.

}: The little is worried Yours will step off the ledge,:{ the bronze yawned.

K'ron's eyes widened. "Is that true, Ner? Were you thinking of jumping?"

"I...I don't know." She admitted not turning to look at him.

Now Koda's actions made sense. "Nerlyn? What is going on?" He asked gently. Nerlyn shook her head, she didn't know what was going on at all. She had woken up with the intense urge to fly.

"Just give me a moment." She begged. K'ron stayed back, but he wasn't leaving her. Something had gotten to her. He had thought she was doing better, but now he didn't know. Nerlyn shook as the wind wrapped around lifting her hair from her shoulders. K'ron was worried. Was he going to have to get Nikolai? It was almost as bad as when she had first lost her green. Nerlyn closed her eyes opening her hands wide trying to understand what she was feeling. She knew she was on the ledge but she felt like she was somewhere else.

The bronze rider was getting nervous. "Nerlyn?" He asked, opening and closing his hands worriedly.

"I'm fine!" She said trying to reign in the feelings she was feeling. "Just stay there..." She begged for a moment not sure what she was going to do. He bit his lip. It was taking everything in him not to run to her. What was she thinking? Nerlyn took a step closer closing her eyes. She winced as Koda screeched again at her. K'ron was grateful for his flit. Koda was doing a better job watching her than he was. "I can't do this." She breathed softly shaking violently.

"Can't do what?" He asked, walking up to her. What was going on?

"This..." She breathed feeling him desperate to pull her back from the ledge.

K'ron wasn't sure what she was talking about. "Ner, please don't leave me. It's not the answer, " he whispered.

"I woke up and I needed to be free... I miss being high and seeing people looking so small like nothing could ever hurt me again." She breathed opening her eyes trying to recapture the moment. He stepped up beside her, touching her shoulder gently.

"I can't even imagine what you're feeling. You know any time you want though Ty will take you up," he whispered. "I know it's not the same and I'm sorry about that." Nerlyn jumped at the sudden touch on her bare shoulder.

"I...i... It is not the same... I thought I was okay but I’m going stir crazy... I just wanted it to stop."

He stepped in front of her, not wanting her to be able to get to the ledge. "I know it's not, baby. What can I do? Please, give me something. "

"Ki... I'm scared." She admitted. She hadn't felt like that since the first few sevenday losing Leanath. "I woke up and I just wanted to fly... I think I need to go back to bed." He hadn't seen her like this in a long time. He gently ushered her back to their room.

"Then back to bed," he said gently. Nerlyn looked scared as she sat on the edge of the bed in the dark. She slowly put a shaky hand to her temple trying to remember the thought pattern that had led her to the ledge. K'ron stayed quiet. He didn't want to send her into flight mode. Something had gotten to her and he wasn't sure what. She had been doing good and this was a horrible setback.

"I don't know what happened." She admitted looking lost and scared at the same time. It was confusing, to say the least what she had experienced. K'ron opened his arms, inviting her in if she chose.

"Love, we'll get through this just like we have the other times."

"I am okay... I'm sure." She breathed moving close to him and hugged him close. It hurt to admit how easy it would have been to take that one more step. What was wrong with her??

Nerlyn opened her eyes and stepped to the ledge again but this time she simply smiled and turned away. She had to prove to herself that she could willingly just step back alone. Something made her turn back just in time to see a green land on the ledge and a woman slid down removing her helmet and looked around. “Oh… um… I thought this was my new weyr.” The woman explained looking confused as she had been sure she counted correctly.

Nerlyn took a deep breath. “It will be. I am just saying goodbye to the weyr. I apologise for scaring you and myself.” Nerlyn explained taking several steps back as the woman looked relieved and horrified all at the same time as the Green Dragon allowed her to start removing the staps.

“You are Nerlyn aren’t you? I’m Imella. Your son helped the headwoman pick what weyr I was going into. He said I should be happy here as this was where his mummy and daddy had lived before he was allowed to come and live with you both because of what happened.” The woman explained how she knew who the woman was. The little boy had been so animated that it really had made her nerves less to know how happy children were at the Weyr.

“I am,” Nerlyn said softly. Well, wasn’t this awkward to say the least. She had not told anyone she was back yet from ship duty because she wanted some closure but she had been caught beforehand. She had not even checked to see who had won the queen flight. Imella looked around before she came forward and hugged the woman tightly, not caring that they had just met or anything. She had never been good with words but it was such a different place that someone could be so supported that a Dragonless rider was able to live there and look so content.

“I am so sorry that happened to you.” Imella breathed. Nerlyn for the first time in a long time allowed herself to confront the issue without tears or the hateful voice trying to drag her back into the darkness and hugged the woman back tightly.

“Thank you for the kindness,” Nerlyn said stepping back from the rider and smiled at the green on the ledge as she looked at the new person for a moment before she settled onto forearms enjoying the sunshine. “It’s the best place for sunbathing.” She said to the dragon.

}: Thank you :{ The green spoke to Nerlyn making the woman bite her lip to stop a sob from escaping. She was still worthy to be spoken to by the dragons and that meant so much to her.

“I should go. You must move in and I must track down a wingleader and retrieve my child before he befriends every new rider and I have a lot more new friends than I can handle.” Nerlyn said wincing at the concept of suddenly having a lot more acquaintances than she could handle thanks to Rean. It had to be a Rean thing as her brother had been the same which made her smile that she could think of her brother and smile. "You are going to do fine here Imella. Green riders always thrive in this weyr," Nerlyn said looking around one last time properly. It had been the closure she had needed and so much more thanks to the woman who stood watching her with the kindness and not pity she had come to expect from a lot of riders when they found out she was dragonless.

“Thank you for being here when I arrived. I feel like at the very least I now know someone.” Imella said touching her hand quickly before the dragonless rider disappeared the way she had come feeling a little lighter in heart and ready to tackle K’ron and whatever mess she was going to be greeted to after a queen flight.