Mind Healer

Posted on Sun Jul 26th, 2026 @ 11:54am by Sr Journeyman Nikolai & Blue Rider R’kig

Mission: 3531 AL

R'kig ran a hand through his messy dark hair as he walked toward the infirmary. He still didn't know how he felt about seeing a mind healer but it couldn't be any worse then these mood swings and just not feeling like himself. He hesitated outside though, still not sure if he could make himself go inside.

“You look like me when I do not want to go inside.” Kayla commented as she skipped around him stepping inside and telling whoever was inside that there was a rider hesitating outside. Several moments later Nikolai stuck his head out and smiled.

“Hey R’kig. Who are you looking for?” He said, seeing the blue piece of paper in his hand. What was it with blue riders coming to see him this turn?

R'kig frowned a bit as Kayla told him what he looked like. It was true. He didn't want to go in.

He nearly jumped at Nikolai's voice. “you,” he admitted quietly. “But only if you have time. I can come back later.” He still wasn't sure how he felt about all this.

“I always have time. Come on,” Nikolai said kindly as he held out his hand for the piece of paper and looked it over. It was about time that the man approached him of his own free will. Nikolai led the way to a secluded room and indicated that the blue rider should come in.

R'kig sighed softly, handing over the paper. He hated this but maybe Neilla was right. He did need help but he wasn't sure how to even talk about it. He hesitated briefly before stepping into the room Nikolai led him to.

“I do not bite, kid.” The older man laughed before relaxing, this was no longer the Weyrling he had tried to help turns back. “Sorry, I mean Blue Rider.” Nikolai said politely. “This is out of the way, no one is going to come looking, and the apprentices on duty are discreet and know better than to interrupt unless it is an emergency so we can talk.” The room was literally a couple of comfortable-looking chairs and a low table with a chalkboard.

R'kig sank into one of the chairs. He still felt like a kid at times and right now was one of those times. “I know you don't,” he sighed, scrubbing at his face. He had always liked Nikolai. “I just thought I was past all this,” he admitted.

Nikolai sat opposite. “And what is this?” The man wondered trying to work out what had caused him to come there that day instead of any other.

The blue rider felt wherrybrained. He hadn't been acting like himself lately. Every little thing had made him either jumpy or angry and he hated it. “The whole kidnapping thing,” he said quietly. “But I still dream about it.” He still had the faint scar from the chain around his neck.

“Which is understandable R’kig. You went through something traumatic but what has brought it up now?” The healer wondered seeing the way the man had his head down and looked anywhere but at him.

He sighed softly. “I've been really messed up since Cassine left,” he admitted quietly. “then I nearly got in a huge fight with G’len over I don't even know what now.” he hated how that sounded but he was falling apart.

“How did Cassine leaving make you feel? Did you discuss it before she left?” Cassine seemed a better subject to delve into as G’len would be easy and get nowhere into helping the man.

“Abandoned, alone,” he admitted. R'kig nodded. “I tried. I even offered to transfer with her. She flat out refused saying she wanted to forget everything about this place.” His voice caught a bit. his life was certainly a mess.

“Which at all valid emotions to feel when you have been let down like this. Have you considered that you and Cassine were trauma bonded and she realised and decided to get away from the trauma?” Nikolai asked gently

R'kig looked up quickly, surprise showing in his brown eyes. “What?” He asked, not sure he had heard right. Was Nikolai really saying that Cassine was probably right in leaving since they had been thrown together by Dragon Hold?

“You heard me.” Nikolai said softly in his usual firm way. “You both went through a traumatic event together.” He tried to make the man realise hoping he would understand what he was getting at.

The blue rider shook his head, clearly trying to deny it. “So you think we spent those Turns together because we thought we had to?” Was that really a thing? He trembled just a bit. How wherrrybrained was he?

“It was easier than being apart. What did you do together?” He asked, hoping it might get the man talking honesty. “What was your relationship like?

R'kig's face colored a bit in embarrassment. “Just stayed close to each other. We always knew where the other was.” He shook his head. “I guess a comfort one. We didn't talk much and really didn't do anything else.” Flights and maybe one or two other times had been the only times they had been together like that.

“And is that what you feel like made you happy?” Nikolai wondered gently. “Please don’t be embarrassed about any of this R’kig this is why I am here to help with things like this. I am glad you have come to me today.”

He blew out a breath. “At the time I thought it did. We were together. We had survived a near tragedy and we were together.” They had been young but they had each other. He absently rubbed at the scar on his neck. “Was I really that wherrybrained?” He hadn't even gotten to Cassine's sister, nearly knocking him to his knees.

“No and this is not the place to judge yourself either. The last five turns have been hard on you and the people all around you but this is where you draw the line and move forward.” Nikolai assured gently wishing he could take the pain that was evident on the blue rider's face.

R'kig slowly looked up at his friend, his dark eyes conflicted. “I just don't understand,” he whispered. “I mean I guess I kind of do but why did she just leave? Just left me like everything we had survived meant nothing.” He shook his head. It wasn't right. And because of her he was snapping at his friends and family.

“We all handle trauma in different ways.” Nikolai said simply not having the answers the man needed in all honesty. Cassine was her own person with her own views and needs. “Some stay and fight, some people need to leave where they were. Neither is right and neither is wrong. It’s all about the individual.”

Nikolai may have been right but at the moment he was mad at Cassine all over again. He had thought he was getting over her and her betrayal but that wasn't the case. He was just mad and wanted his life back. “Why can't things be normal? I just want to be normal.”

“You are normal. You’ve just had a terrible thing happen to you that isn’t going to define you.” Nikolai said in his nonsense way. “You are angry at her?” He questioned kinder.

“But five turns?” R'kig asked. “I'm furious with her. She left me. No word, no chance to talk. Nothing. I hate her and yet I can't seem to get my life back on
track.” He thought about Neilla. she had made him feel at happy at least.

Nikolai looked at him and sighed a little as the anger in the man. “But it’s not your fault. You did nothing wrong in this R’kig. You do not control other people’s reactions or choices. She chose what was best for her and her green as a rider, you understand that? The dragons are more important.” Nikolai said trying to find a way through the hate for just a moment for reasoning.

R'kig did know that. Rizerth was the important thing in his life but he was still angry at Cassine. “I do understand that,” he said lowly. He had grown up a weyrbrat and knew how important the dragons were. “But that didn't mean she had to leave me in the middle of the night. I was worried sick til Riz finally heard they were safe.”

“No it didn’t but that is on her.” He said trying to get R’kig to see that it was not his fault. “Something I have learned when I failed to impress was that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it hurts like thread but other times it brings wonderful things to you. Thanks Faranth that we are finally getting better things.”

“But it affected me,” he growled. The sharding green rider had left him with a big hole in his heart. one that he had thought was healing over but now he wasn't so sure. “So getting kidnapped happened for a reason?” He asked. “and then losing who I thought was my best friend was for a reason?” R'kig didn't understand and wasn't sure he wanted to.

“You are barely 24 turns.” Nikolai said gently. The anger did not phase him, it was a natural response to everything that he had been through. “You have decades ahead of you. This is a blip, a big blip that hurts like hell but a small one in your life.”

R'kig blew out a frustrated breath. He hated this. Why did things have to be so complicated? The only time he felt halfway normal was around Neilla and his family. “How do I stop being angry?”

“So I think we need to start working through the grief you feel from that transition from being in that relationship with Cassine to not being in it. It’s a life change that you did not want or have any warning about.” Nikolai started thinking on the options that they could go with but this approach seemed the best one as he needed to adjust to a big change.

The blue rider nodded a little. It was worth a try. He just wanted to be himself again. He was tired of being angry and nearly picking fights with people who didn't deserve it. “So how do we do that?”

“Going to require you to do some thinking and homework.” Nikolai explained. “So we will book to meet next sevenday but I want you to think of 3 things you can do before then to make you feel better.” It was something people and especially riders did not think on the specifics of making themselves happy.

R'kig slowly nodded. He had figured it would require some work. He blinked at Nikolai in surprise. “3 things to make me feel better?” That wasn't something he had ever thought about.

“Yep. 3 things. Can be small things that you can achieve over the next sevenday.” Nikolai smiled at surprise. “It is not something people are asked often but here we are. I am asking it.”

“Ah okay,” R'kig answered, still not sure about that. 3 things? He had never really thought about that before. “I can try,” he said.

Nikolai held out a pen and piece of paper to the younger man. “Write them down and we can reflect on them in our next session.” He suggested pointedly. He had to be firm but fair with it all.

R'kig slowly took the pen and paper. He wasn't even sure where to start but he would try. “Okay,” he finally said. “I'll try.” He wasn't sure what he had been expecting but this wasn't it.

Nikolai leaned back in his chair looking around the room whilst he waited for the man to think on things. It would take time and many sessions but the man did not look too far gone to bring back.

The blue rider slowly worked through three things. He didn't understand why it was so hard. “Shards,” he whispered, finally handing the paper to Nikolai.

“Harder than it looks, hmm?” The healer asked, smiling a little as he looked at the piece of paper. “Any of them you want to talk about now?” He wondered folding the piece of paper into his notes.

R'kig groaned. “Yes. I never realized it was so hard,” he admitted. Of course Rizerth made him happy but he didn't figure that was what Nikolai had meant. All riders relied on their dragons. He thought for a minute. “I didn't realize, but you made me think how I have been happy rekindling my friendship with Neilla,” he said.

“It is meant to focus your brain on things that can help. So meeting up with Neilla is one of your plans for the week? I saw that you want to take Raen on an adventure and spend an evening with your brother.” Nikolai wondered if a lot of this had started with isolation.

R'kig slowly nodded. “I do. I'm happiest around them,” he admitted softly, slowly realizing what Nikolai was trying to do. “And how can you not be happy around Raen?” He asked with a slight smile. The boy's enthusiasm was contagious.

“Then that is what we shall talk about next time.” Nikolai said standing as he wrote down a time and day for next sevenday. “If that doesn’t line up with your schedule let me know and we can change. But you need to attend, this makes it mandatory.” The healer said gently indicating the original piece of paper he had been given by the blue rider.

“Okay,” R'kig agreed. He looked down at the paper for the time and nodded. “I'll check and see. If it's okay then I shall see you then.” He nodded, knowing what the paper meant. He couldn't get out of it now.