He Does Not Do Things Without Thinking

Posted on Sun Mar 2nd, 2025 @ 2:41pm by Jr Journeyman Senabena & Sr Journeyman Rena

Mission: 3531 AL
Location: Kymos Hold
Timeline: M2 D29

The ball would be in the grand hall with the master crafters, Lord Holders and their families, Weyrleaders, and anyone else the Kymos Lord Holder had invited. The banners were lit by glows, and the fires were stocked, casting soft light across the space. Rena took a deep breath as she smoothed her dark purple dress over her bump.

The bodice was embroidered with silver and black threads, forming delicate patterns of curling ivy and tiny blossoms. The neckline was modest, as she did not feel comfortable with anything else; it was edged with a fine silver trim that caught the light. The sleeves were long and fitted, flaring slightly at the wrists with a hint of sheer fabric overlay. The skirt cascaded gently over the baby bump, ensuring ease of movement for the Harper, despite the dress having been modified from something she had worn many years ago.

Lady Sena found herself watching everyone prepare for the ball. She was very used to taking charge at Far Site, so sitting back and letting someone else handle all the preparations felt odd even after all these Turns. It had given her extra time to get ready, though, and make sure her newly made velvet dress of Far Site's colours sat nicely. Then, she had been able to sit while one of the drudges curled and pinned her long silvery-black hair up.

Once she was prepared, she walked down to wait, which was when she caught sight of her sweet daughter-in-law. “Good evening, Rena.”

Rena turned at the familiar voice and offered a smile to the older woman. She had slept as soon as she had returned to the hold, so she was feeling refreshed and able to think clearly. It helped that the drudge who had assisted her in getting ready—despite Rena proclaiming she did not need the help—had made sure she left with flat shoes.

“Hello, Lady Sena,” she greeted formally, slipping into formality. “You look beautiful,” she complimented.

Sena inclined her head. “As do you. How are you feeling? I am sure you have had quite a day.” She remembered attending balls and races many times while carrying her children. It wore one out very quickly.

“Thank you.” The Harper felt frumpy, but she had tried her best, not having assumed in advance that she would be required to go to the Gather. She had been lucky that several dresses from when she had been pregnant with Brenna were unaltered and only needed a few modifications. “I am rested. It has been quite a couple of days. You must be proud of the runners.”

“It was exciting. I have always enjoyed watching them, and yes, I am very proud. You must be as well,” Sena smiled. She knew that Oseben had been the one who really put the time into the runners, but it was Rena who loved her son and had been there for him through everything. “Let's go have a seat. I am sure your feet are hurting.”

“I am proud that they honored Oseben’s work and commitment to his craft. It was his favorite part of life after family,” Rena assured her and nodded. “I am wearing flat shoes after last night, but I would appreciate finding a seat before it gets too busy to find one.” She knew someone would have given up their seat for her in her condition, but she did not want that to be a thing.

Sena gently guided Rena toward an empty seat. “Flat shoes are definitely a good idea when you are with child. When I was first pregnant, I thought I had to be the proper Lady Holder and dressed very inappropriately for being pregnant,” she admitted. They all learned as they grew. She gestured toward an empty chair.

“I did yesterday, but I learned for today,” Rena assured softly. This was the most she had spoken about her pregnancy since she had admitted she was pregnant after it was impossible to hide the bump. “It was easier with Brenna. Not quite as many formal events,” she admitted—or at the very least, Oseben had put his foot down to stop her from having to attend so many things. “But I… we are well.”

“I am glad to hear that. We can only be so formal. Your health and the baby's always come first.” She reached over and squeezed Rena's hand. “Yes, it would have been much easier with Oseben by your side. I am so sorry you lost him at such a young age. And I do apologize that we had to move so quickly on a possible husband for you.”

Rena sighed and looked up at the older woman. “But you did not need to. I wanted nothing from you all. I would have signed everything back over to you and gone back to Harper Hall with Brenna. And I would still, if I knew it would not break Bensen’s heart.” Rena pulled her hand away reluctantly. She had been realizing how much she missed contact since hugging Senabena and Bensen on the roof, but she needed her hand free to take the offered drink from a drudge.

“That was not the reason at all, Rena,” Sena said softly. “We wanted what we thought was best for you. Ah, so my son has finally spoken to you?” Sena smiled a bit. Bensen was one of the quieter ones of her children. But he would do anything for the ones he loved. “You must make your own choice in life, my dear,” she answered as she accepted a drink.

“Thank you,” she said politely to the drudge who was serving. Rena knew she would have to make her own choices, but her options were very limited. “He has spoken. We have much more to discuss, though, before I make my own choice. He has been very kind in giving me time.” Rena was sure that Bensen would make her happy, but could she make him happy? That was her pressing concern—one she needed to discuss properly.

Sena really didn't like playing these types of political games, and she would much rather have Oseben there, but unfortunately, that was the way Pern worked. “Yes, I suspected he would. Bensen is like that,” she smiled, thinking of her son.

“He is a good man,” Rena said softly as she watched the Harper start to tune their instruments. Her firelizard perked up from around her neck, looking at the music. She loved music and missed that it was no longer a feature in their daily lives.

Sena couldn't disagree there. “But really, dear, how are you really doing?” she asked gently. She knew Rena didn't like to complain, but Sena wanted her to be honest. If there was anything she needed, Sena wanted to help. “We miss hearing your music.”

“I do not know how to play anything other than sad melodies, and none of you need that bringing the Hold down,” she said gently. She was not sure she could pick up her harp anytime soon. She had only picked up her guitar to guide teaching lessons, and those songs were on autopilot. “I am okay. I am not crying constantly. I seem to be keeping a baby alive.” She shrugged, not sure what the woman expected to hear.

The Lady Holder nodded. She understood that. They had all been in a melancholy mood and unable to truly pull themselves out yet. “That is definitely a good start. Do you need anything? You know you only have to ask,” she said gently.

“I do not need anything from you or your family, Sena. I was quite happy to return to Harper Hall with Brenna, but I do really appreciate the kindness you have shown to me and Brenna before and after Oseben. It must be so hard losing a son. I am sorry that I have made it so complicated when you have had your own grief.” She said gently, leaning over to squeeze the older woman’s hand.

Sena gave her a gentle smile. “Love, you are part of this family. You always will be,” she said gently, sniffling slightly. “It has been hard,” she agreed softly. “But I am glad you and Brenna are safe.”

Rena looked at the woman teary as she was told she was family no matter what. That meant the world to her when she was feeling like she had no connection with anyone other than her lost marriage. “We are. The Weyrleader saved us and you and Lord Oben have protected us since. Even now you are trying to secure my future in your own way… I just do not know how to be enough for Bensen.” She sighed. This was his first marriage.

Sena reached up to wipe a stray tear from her cheek and gave Rena a shaky smile. “And I can never thank the Weyrleader enough for protecting you. I couldn't stand losing you as well.” Sena considered it. “Why do you think you have to be any more than you already are? Bensen sees the best in you just like I know Oseben did. Ben does not want you changing. That I am sure of.”

Rena offered her own shaky smile at what the woman was saying. It would have been easier on everyone if it had been her instead of Oseben, but she would never say that thought aloud to anyone. It was her survivor guilt. “Because this is his first marriage. He does not deserve to have a…” she indicated what she felt was someone broken. “I want him to be happy.”

Sena realized quickly that they were both still hurting badly. Oseben left a big void in all their lives. “Rena, you are not broken,” she said gently. “A little ruffled right now but not broken. He is happy. You should have seen his face when my husband mentioned Lord Marcona had an interest in you.”

Rena wanted to argue, but she knew it was pointless against Lady Sena. She never had a bad thing to say about anyone or anything. She had truly been the one person other than Bensen and Senabena to keep her from losing her grip. “Oh?” she wondered gently, glancing up as the music started.

The Lady Holder chuckled. “Oh yes, my dear. He was instantly asking why he couldn't be your husband,” Sena smiled. “I do believe he is smitten with you, scars and all,” she said gently. She knew Bensen didn't do anything without thinking it through first, so he knew what he was getting into.

Rena nodded and paused as she saw Marcona walking towards them. He bowed to Sena before turning to Rena. “I believe you are a harper, Lady Rena. I have a problem with my harper that needs someone with a little experience if I could borrow you for a few moments.” He wondered, holding out a hand to guide her away.

“Um… I have not played in a while,” the woman said hesitantly.

“He needs help retuning an old harp that he has no knowledge of,” the man explained the issue.

Sena inclined her head to Marcona. She smiled slightly as he mentioned the harper. Maybe that would help Rena get her courage back up. Even if she didn't play, just being around the instruments was a big step.

“Um… okay. Lead the way.” The woman could not see the harm in that as she took the offered hand and walked over to the stage where she saw an apprentice looking panicked at the harp.

Sena watched Rena as she finally agreed. She could see the younger woman was still nervous, but hopefully this would be good for her.

Rena smiled at the apprentice and sat down awkwardly on the stool before the apprentice ran off to get a proper chair for the woman. Rena smiled thankfully at the boy and set about showing him how to tune it for several minutes before she struck a chord to show that it was going to make the correct sounds for what he wanted to play. She glanced at the harp and smiled a little sadly as she did several more before scooting back to let the boy at the harp. Lord Marcona stood nearby watching and smiled when the apprentice started to play the instrument with Rena correcting several of his fingers before the boy got into it and was able to do it on his own.

Sena smiled. Rena was great with the children, so patient and ready to help. She hoped maybe this would help Rena decide to at least go back to her lessons with the young ones.

“He is a good apprentice,” Rena said, watching the boy for several minutes to make sure he was confident before she returned to Lady Sena.

“He seemed to catch on quickly,” Sena commented as Rena joined her again. “I think he was very happy to see you though.”

“First big show and he has never played something so large. He was not expecting to retune either, and none of the harpers could help as they were playing. I was happy to help just like mine at home. Very familiar territory,” she said, wiping the dust from her fingers with a napkin. She smiled softly as she watched the boy still. He was fumbling a little bit, but no one other than herself would have noticed.

“I am sure he was nervous. That was very kind of you to help.” Sena loved seeing the smile back on Rena's face. The young woman lit up when she was around music and young ones.

“I am trying to get better. I want to get back to normal things but I just…” She could not explain it properly. It was like the light of her world had gone, which left her fumbling a little in the dark, not sure what to do. “… it’s hard to explain but I am trying,” she promised, seeing the rest of the family starting to arrive.

“Sweetheart, I am the last person you need to explain to. I understand your feelings completely.” She hadn’t lost a spouse, but she had lost her son. “All we can do is try.”

“I know, but I still want to try and explain if possible.” Rena was a harper who tried to speak and explain her thought pattern if she could. “But I am trying. I will try my best with Bensen,” she added gently as she turned her gaze to the harpist still trying his best. If he could get on the stage with his fears and worries as a child in front of a crowd, she could face her shadows.

Sena nodded, knowing that Rena always tried to explain. A warm smile touched her lips. “You are willing to give Bensen a chance then?” That made her so happy.

“You have cleared up some of my reservations about things, but I will need to talk to him, but I think so,” she said, seeing the older woman's face light up at her words. She was not doing this to make her happy, but to maybe give herself a chance at a future.

“Of course. I would not expect you to make a decision without talking with him first. You guys go at your own pace.” She didn't want Rena to just agree because someone told her to.

“I will.” Rena nodded at the woman and looked around. “I believe your husband is looking for you,” she said, indicating Lord Oben looking around for someone, and in Rena’s opinion, it could only be Lady Sena.

Sena smiled when she caught sight of her husband. “I shall return,” she said, kissing Rena's cheek before going to see her husband.