RCW: Hurting In And Out

Posted on Thu Dec 25th, 2025 @ 12:50pm by Bronze Rider I'han & Green Rider Tanly

Mission: 3531 AL
Timeline: M3 D19

Tanly sat on her bed, feeling a bit like a fool. she hadn’t been very kind to Halia and S'lei. It was their decision not hers and it wasn't their fault she had such a hard time carrying a baby to term. The green rider sighed softly. What a mess she had made.

I’han came in and stopped dead in the doorway as he looked at his mate. “So are we going to talk about what you said or are we going to ignore it and go to bed in silence?” He demanded ever so slightly confused by what had happened. He had never seen her with such venom especially towards either of her brothers and their mates.

The green rider looked up at her mate, agony written across her face. Tanly bit her lip as she trembled a bit. “I was a monster,” she whispered.

“You were. I have never seen you like that before but I am sure it is nothing that Halia and S’lei will not forgive. What is going on?” He wondered quietly as he sat down on the bed next to her and put both his hands on his knees leaning forward so he could see her.

Tanly shook her head as she wrapped her arms around her waist. “I don't know,” she whispered. “I guess just the thought of them maybe not keeping the baby pushed me over the edge. You know how many times I have miscarried a little one. It just hurts,” she whispered.

“And that hurt is not just yours to spread to Halia either.” He said gently knowing she was hurting by Halia not knowing whether she wanted the baby or not. He could understand Tanly’s feelings but he also felt a little protective of the Harper when it was not her fault. “Which is why I want to stop trying Tan. I do not want you getting your hopes up and then it crashing around us. Most female riders after as long as we have been riders for struggle.” He said gently.

She looked away from I'han, not wanting him to see the hurt in her green eyes. She hadn’t really meant to take it out on Halia. She liked the Harper, but it had just been too much. Tanly trembled a bit, knowing the twins were the only children she would ever have. She slowly nodded, knowing pushing That point was useless. “Okay,” she agreed .softly

“I do not want to lose you,” I’han said simply. He would be happy to never have children as long as she was safe and alive. “Children are not the be end all of who you are Tan.” He added softly.

She rubbed at her eyes to get rid of the tears. She did manage to give him a watery smile. “I know. Guess being so close to losing our last one I was a bit more touchy.”

I’han finally pulled her close and kept her against him as he spoke. “It is not weakness. Dragon Riding changes are bodies and you have given birth to two amazing children. That is amazing.” He reminded her firmly.

Tanly snuggled close to his chest, trying to stop crying. she knew I'han was right. This wasn't anything she could change. “I know,” she finally whispered. “And I'm sorry. I shouldn't have been like that.”

“No but you need to explain to Halia why you were like that to her. She is your brothers Mate and a friend of ours. She has been there for us as much as we have for her.” He reminded gently reaching up to touch her cheek and wipe some tears away before he touched a stray lock of hair and pushed it back behind her ear.

“I know i do,” she whispered. She did really like Halia and wanted to be there for her no matter what she chose to do. Tanly closed her eyes at his light touch. “I'll find her tomorrow when I'm not so emotional,” she promised.

“Good.” He pressed a kiss to her forehead and sighed softly. “Is Cadalayith due to rise?” He asked gently wondering if this was why she was acting so unlike her at the moment.

Tanly glanced toward where her green was sound asleep curled up with her bronze mate. “I think she's close,” the green rider admitted. It would explain a lot but she had still been mean about it.

“Well then hopefully in a couple of days you’ll feel much more like yourself.” He stated kissing her forehead again as he hoped he was at the Weyr when it happened but he was not so precious despite his fierce feelings for her to know he could not always win thanks to his bronze’s size. Cadalayith was sometimes just to quick for Kanoth.

She nodded. That would be nice. She shifted to snuggle against him with her head on his lap. “You better not be out of the Weyr when she rises,” she whispered. I'han was the only man she wanted in her bed.

“I will try but you know I have no control over that. I do not always win but I am always here.” I’han reminded her looking down at the woman with a smile. He could not always help what happened especially now as a wing second with sweeps and drills.

Tanly knew that was true but she also knew she wanted him there. “I know,” she agreed softly. “doesn't mean I can't want it though.” She knew I'han would always be there.

“And do not think I do not want it but I also know it’s not always possible.” He said kindly reaching down to start undoing the plait she had her hair in. It was barely keeping together as it was so it was not a hard job to undo it and run his fingers through her curls.

“I know,” she agreed. Shs never doubted that. Tanly closed her eyes in content as I’han played with her hair. “That feels good.”

I’han said nothing as he continued to do so with a smirk. It was meant to make her feel good as he knew she loved her hair being played him. He let the silence continue so that they could both think a little.

Tanly sighed softly. She knew she had messed up and she needed to make it right. that wasn't like her at all and Halia hadn't deserved it. The poor girl was probably scared and confused and Tanly had nearly bitten her head off.